Undoing Martyrdom & Self-Sacrifice: Feeling ‘Enough’ in our Relationships and Work

Martyrdom, or self-abandoning and self-sacrificing for the sake of a mission or cause, is so highly rewarded in our culture. It can show up in our interpersonal relationships, but also when it comes to our work, our creativity, or ‘purpose’ in the world. We can even start to sacrifice our health and wellbeing for the sake of a ‘mission’ in attempts to prove our worthiness. In today’s episode, I share perspectives around martyrdom and saviordom in life and work and how we can take the pressure off ourselves, stop feeling the need to prove our worth, and take ourselves less seriously with the sustainability of lightness and play and joy.

“If you’ve come here to help me, then you’re wasting your time. But if you have come here because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”

— Lila Watson

What You’ll learn in this episode:

the familial and cultural roots of martyrdom
why playing the savior is a codependent strategy
the victim, savior, perpetrator drama triangle framework
why martyrdom is transactional and disconnects us from ourselves and others
how martyrdom shows up in creativity, work, our mission, and purpose
ending the game of proving your worthiness through contribution
being process vs outcome oriented

“Being a child of neglect or coming from an abusive household, I think it’s pretty easy to get the message that we need to save or help the parent or the caregiver in order to get what we need. It’s actually a subconscious strategy of: “if I can help you, if I can actually meet your needs, then maybe at some point you’ll be freed up to meet my needs.” It’s a really kind of codependent relationship.”

— Jazmine Russell, Depth Work Episode 51

DEPTH Work - A Holistic Mental Health Podcast

This is a space for those who love to dive into the underbelly, to revel in the mystery, question assumptions about what is normal, play in the both/and, and honor the wide range of human emotions.

As a complex trauma survivor, holistic counsellor and co-founder of a mental health institute, I learned that there is immense wisdom in our pain and what we call crazy is just what we are yet not willing to understand and explore. Let’s dive in!

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