How to create a feeling of safety in the body
For years, in my trauma healing journey, I didn't realize that I had left my body behind. My mind was sharp, eager to learn more practices, more rituals, more modalities. My spirit was on board, being willing to go to the deepest depths of the underbelly. In the throes of altered states, I had been willing to feel the pain that needed to be felt. Yet, my body reeled as I dragged it behind.
I learned embodiment. I healed dissociation. I moved, I danced, I shook. I had loving partnerships that showed me the beauty of safe touch after childhood sexual abuse. Many had far more patience with me than I had with myself. I knew - in theory – that in order to heal trauma - the body needed to be addressed. I knew, mentally, the power of the nervous system.
Healer after healer had told me that my nervous system was over-activated in sympathetic mode. Yet, for years, I was never willing to slow down. "Adrenal fatigue" covered up the roots of "burnout". Underneath was the fact that my nervous system and my body had never felt safe enough to wind down. Through chronic autoimmune issues and digestive problems, my body screamed louder. Saying "you're on the right track but we need you to pay more attention."
Over the years there were small breakthroughs with my body. Learning what it is like to live "inside" the body rather than just be "aware" of the body. Feeling safe enough to let all the joy and all the pain flood through. Finding pleasure in movement in touch.
A few days ago I had asked a friend why she had quit caffeine. She said "because all healing happens in the parasympathetic nervous system", a sentiment repeated in all my training, but it struck me then - how often did I actually live it? My quest for balance, safety, a calm nervous system, and releasing trauma from the body had been a wondrous journey. And yet how humbling it is to know it gets even better.
Creating More Safety In The Body
A month ago, I curled up next to my pup Samson, did some self-energy work as usual, and listened to music. I heard a voice that said "create more safety in your body”
I have used what I like to call a "body talk" practice for years. It is just as it sounds: You go inwards and talk to parts of the body, giving it small reminders, blessings, asking what it needs. I always receive immense wisdom from my body in return.
This time I was guided to focus on safety. I started by going into a fetal position, getting as cozy as possible, feeling the warmth and comfort. Then slowing my breath, breathing out the sides of my lungs and diaphragm. I held my knees, a place I tend to feel stress. And I dropped in, telling my nervous system it was safe to relax. I focused on each tender place: heart, stomach, pelvis, feet – telling these parts of my body that it is safe. I reminded my body that we are taken care of, we have what we need, we are safe. And I leaned into the full experience of safety, soothing any "but what if's" and fearful thoughts. I took my time until my body believed me, and had the felt experience of a total unraveling of tension. It was so profound and that night I had the most restful sleep I've ever had in my life.
Healing the nervous system is an incremental and beautiful process. If you time to try this practice, let me know how it goes!
Body Talk Practice
Get into a comfy position - take all the time you need to relax with music, tea, incense, or blankets
Start to breathe deeper focusing on expanding your diaphragm outwards to the sides, let out some sound or humming (this relaxes the vagus nerve)
Identify a part of the body that needs your comfort and attention
Ask yourself what that part of your body needs to hear - "You are safe." "I'm here for you" "It is safe to be who you are" - say it as many times as needed to that part of the body. (It's ok to feel resistance, see if you can let it be there while encouraging your body to let in a feeling of safety)
Ask that part of your body what it needs - you may get an image, a thought, or a clue
End with a gesture of kindness for yourself
Much love,
Jaz