Dissociation is not simply a numbness, it's a pin and needles kind of feeling, sort of like a pinched nerve. The feelings you lose are replaced by a disturbing sensation that pervades down to the bone. Dissociation feels like trying to swallow the void, or struggling to grasp at the concept of 'nothingness'. Dissociation feels a little bit like staring into a black hole - terrifying and dizzying.

As a complex trauma survivor and a counselor for fellow trauma survivors, I have gotten to know dissociation well over the years. Whether you've experienced trauma or not, most of us, at some point in time experience a gradient of dissociation. For some, it's a vague sense of feeling ungrounded, for others, it's grappling with many fragmented selves. Dissociation exists on a spectrum.

The biggest thing we get wrong about dissociation is that it is pathology or an indication that there's something wrong with you or your mind. Through the years I spent healing trauma and working through dissociation, I've come to a deep appreciation for its existence.

Dissociation manifests as a way to keep us safe.

Dissociation is the body's way of saying "this is too much, I've had enough"

It's a signal that you are in the information or emotional overwhelm. That you feel unsafe or need rest and peace.

It is the "flight" response, in the nervous system's fight, flight, freeze, or appease functions.

And according to my friend and colleague, Dr. Noel Hunter:

This doesn't mean that dissociation in itself isn't deeply uncomfortable. It can feel terrifying to leave the body. It can feel deeply disturbing to live for months or years in a state of hazy numbness or a pervasive sense that nothing is real.

Let's be clear - you're allowed to hate dissociation.

Yet, it's crucial to acknowledge that dissociation functions to keep you safe and help you process trauma at the pace of your body - not the pace your mind wants you to go.

Types of Dissociation

There are many types of dissociation, and many people experience multiple forms at the same time. Psychologists often argue about what exactly constitutes dissociation, and there's no finite way of categorizing the experience. In addition, keep in mind that many types of dissociation are not always experienced as "bad" or "harmful". Many spiritual groups consider de-identifying with oneself or the body to be a positive shift depending on the circumstances. Even the more "severe" forms of dissociation such as Flashbacks, can be part of the path to healing trauma, fo we can't heal what we don't remember. Below are 7 types of dissociation cited by experiencers and trauma survivors.

1) Disconnection / Everyday Dissociation

Everyday dissociation happens to all of us at some point in time. It's the feeling of being ungrounded, having your "head in the clouds", feeling spacey, moving on autopilot.

Ex: Driving to your destination and suddenly realizing you were not present for some or all of the drive - not having much recollection of how you got there or what roads you took.

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2) Depersonalization

Depersonalization is feeling a severe detachment from your body or mind. It can feel as if your body is not yours - as if you are standing beside yourself watching your actions. It can also feel like a detachment from your sense of self and manifest as a concerned feeling that you don't know who you are.

Ex: Seeing a recent picture of yourself and having the sinking feeling that you are not you. You may know it's you in the photo but have a feeling of confusion or disconnection.

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3) Derealization

Derealization is a feeling that your surroundings are not real, false, or altered in some way. The world can feel like a movie set, like it's lacking in depth and spontaneity, or as if the color has been stripped from the world.

Ex: Walking around a city you are familiar with, but having the nagging feeling that none of it is real.

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4) Dissociative Amnesia

Dissociative Amnesia is having holes or gaps in one's memory, or not being able to recall important autobiographical information. This can be a vague sense of not remembering multiple years, or specific losses in memory around a certain topic or theme.

Ex: Not being able to recall any important memories from ages 7-10.

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5) Dissociative Fugue

Dissociative Fugue is traveling or wandering to a place with no memory of how one got there. It is similar to sleepwalking, however, often involves another identity or fragmented self.

Ex: Finding oneself on a bench in another town with no recollection of how you got there.

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6) Flashbacks

Flashbacks are the sudden re-experiencing of a powerful or traumatic event. It can feel as if one is actually taken back in time to remember a lost or important memory. Flashbacks can be a single occurrence or can be repeated and are not necessarily traumatic.

Ex: Visiting a friend in the hospital and suddenly having a flashback memory of the time you had a near-death experience as a child.

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7) Fragmented Identities

Every human being has multiple parts of the self. We are all dynamic and have differing needs, wants, and emotions that sometimes compete or create tension. However, some people experience these multiple parts as being fragmented, fractured off, and having ultimately very distinct personalities. These fragmented parts of the self can show up in many ways. Some people experience distinct voices that present as different identities, others feel physically inhabited by different identities. Some of these identities emerge as a way to help process and cope with severe trauma.

Ex: "Freida" is the part of the self that emerges whenever you feel scared and intimidated. She dresses in all black, writes a lot of poetry, and is fearless, but sometimes she gets into trouble. It's hard sometimes to remember what happens when she has emerged.

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How to Deal with Dissociation

Because dissociation is a form of protection, we wouldn't want it to completely disappear. However, it can lessen dramatically over time. After spending most of my college years and beyond going in and out of dissociative states, constantly feeling like the world wasn't real, like I wasn't real, never being in my body, having flashbacks, and working to integrate the many fragmented parts, here are my best tips for befriending dissociation, healing the trauma, and feeling safe enough in your body to no longer need dissociation to cope.

1. TAKE BREAKS FROM PROCESSING EMOTIONS

If you're anything like me, you're ALL IN when it comes to healing. You want to be done with the pain and the processing, so you'll put yourself in the fire to work through it all faster. Well, here's the thing. We can't be treating ourselves like a project and we can't be healing ALL the time. Take breaks from processing challenging emotions. Take breaks from all the spiritual and emotional work. It's ok to distract, to carve out time for play, and to rest.

2. GROUND IN

If trying to "ground" into your body feels impossible or eye-rolley, then find something else to ground into. Perhaps having a set schedule or a personal routine can help you ground into the day. Maybe grounding into your work (creative or business) can help you stabilize your thoughts and mood. Grounding into the earth with long walks or grounding into water with a bath or a swim can help bring you back. Grounding into relationships may be your sweet spot by helping you remember who you are. Find what helps you ground and make time daily for it. If you need more suggestions, here's my 12 grounding techniques pdf.

3. PRACTICE EMBODIMENT & INCREASE EMOTIONAL TOLERANCE

Dissociation happens when the body feels a threat. However, the body doesn't distinguish between a physical or an emotional threat. That means when you feel fear or sadness, your body may register that emotion as a threat and dissociate when it comes on too strong. Embodiment work is the practice of learning to feel our sensations, emotions, and consciousness in our bodies. It's the art of living from deep within ourselves, being fully present and awake to all that is. Practicing feeling any sensation in the body (emotions are sensations too) - from hunger in the belly to joy in the heart to the sensation of numbness, are all helping you become more aware. Building your tolerance slowly for living in the body is crucial to trauma work.

PRACTICE:

Bring your awareness to your feet. Now, instead of just being aware that you have feet, feel yourself inhabiting your feet. Bring all your energy down into your feet. Feel the internal space of the body within your feet.

Do this anytime you need to quickly ground or try this with each part of the body as slowly as you need to.

4. PARTS WORK

Parts work is a general term for several forms of therapy that understand the self as having many dynamic parts. We have inner child parts, critical parts, and parts that can sometimes be in conflict with each other. Ever had an argument in your head where part of you wanted you to make one decision and the other part completely disagreed? Acknowledging both of these aspects of the self (any many more) is parts work. Parts work is crucial for dissociation and trauma because it attends to the fractured parts that may have never felt that they had a voice.

PARTS WORK PRACTICE

1. Write for one full page from the perspective of the part of you that is hurting most. What do they want/need/fear? Use 1st person perspective.

2. Write for one full page back to them from the "wisest self" or "higher self". What do you want them to know or feel? Again use 1st person perspective.

5. KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS & RALLY YOUR FRIENDS

Dissoiation leaves clues. All of us have patters to what triggers the "too much" radar in the body. What events, circumstances, people, or topics trigger that response in you? Maybe it's a time of year, a time in your menstrual cycle, big crowds, being around people who are drinking, or the moment when you feel someone is no longer listening to you. Keep track, start a list and then let your friends know so they can support you. Tell them exactly how you want them to help you come back to yourself. Maybe it's a quick phone call, or a hug, or a reminder of who you are.

6. REST & DEVELOP SAFETY

If dissociation is really strong and constant, fighting it won't do any good. Instead, can you allow it to be there, while using it as an opportunity to rest, do less, and lower the intake of anything that causes overwhelm? Dissociation is a signal that the body doesn't feel safe, so use it as a cue to develop safety through nourishing activities and rest.

7. HAVE A BACKUP PLAN

When dissociation sticks around for awhile, it's common to feel restless. Prolonged periods of feeling numb or dull can really wear anyone down and lead to moments of desperately seeking to feel...anything. This can lead to seeking thrill or sensation in all the "wrong" places. I know this feeling well, and having a plan for what to do when I felt restless was crucial. What helps you feel something positive in a creative or adventurous way? For me, this was hopping on the metro north train and exploring a new city or town with my film camera, or writing a poem and handing it to a stranger. No one but you can know what gives you a thrill, but having a plan for indulging the restlessness or thrill-seeking can help you stay grounded and come through dissociation faster.

And after everything you've been through, please know that you're not crazy, you are beautifully human.

I hope this helps you find clarity and grounding.

With tenderness and love,

Jazmine